Of course, you’ll make mistakes, people would like to prove you wrong, and you’ll be rejected more than once: at university, at a program, by a group of people, from a project, from a job. Rejection can be almost as certain as change, but rejection doesn’t have to “be it”, it doesn’t have to be the end. It can be the beginning of the life you are actually looking for!
We have been taught that to be successful, we need to comply with certain rules and expectations -and depending on which society and generation you grew up, they can look different- however, we are still attached to them, even when we think we are completely independent and we have our lives figured out.
Because, let’s face it, even in today’s world of freedom, where people seem to be free to figure life and success “on their own terms”, there are still certain patterns or rules to obtain that success: work from your computer by the pool in a house full of strangers, make six figures in your first year of business (yeah, I know it sounds amazing), get the job of your dreams helping kids accomplish their dreams, or leave corporate America as soon as you can and never have to go back (and do it before you are 30!), become a successful artist and never have to do anything for money, have millions of followers, become a large influencer… I can really carry on…
And the truth is that, as the social animals we are, we can’t avoid being influenced by society, we’re part of it and we need it to thrive. Society is part of our essence, and without it, we can’t live.
But we also have desires, objectives, a mission and a purpose that is unique even in this social context, and that’s when rejection kicks in, helping us clarify what it is expected from us and what is it that we really want, but sometimes can’t see. The thing is that, in the context described above, there will be things we also want, but that we don’t need in the same order, structure or form that society has designed it to be successful, and here’s how things get tricky.
I’ll place the example of Paula, the client, which experience I will talk about in the video below (of course her real name isn’t Paula!). She has been looking forward to joining this amazing organization with this great mission and impact that resonated with her own. She’s been “in loved” with the marketing of the organization and all the ideas she came up with on how much impact she could create if she were to work for them. Needless to say, at the time we met, she had applied to any every job at this place with no success, so when she started working with me, she said: “I truly want to work in this place, it’s the job of my dreams!”.
So, we prepared for her moment of success and it came. She was contacted for a phone interview for the first time and we worked on training her to rock that interview, speak about how her mission and the organization were interconnected, and why she was the perfect candidate for that position. But, when Paula got on the phone, the conversation didn’t lead to what she was expecting, and at that moment, she knew there was something wrong with the idea that this was the place that actually reflected her biggest desires. And, yes, we had prepared for her to go through tough questions and for her focus to be put at stake.
What Paula founded was not about interview preparedness, it was about genuine connection and being a good fit, not about her candidacy, but whether the organization was a good fit for her.
What Paula learned at that moment was:
1. To listen to her intuition. When something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t, even if it is about the job of your dreams.
2. That Rejection is a blessing, most of the time.
3. Success comes from the alignment to her mission and purpose, from the connection of her true desires rather than of achievement (such as landing a specific job, getting a project or signing a prospect client). They can be considered a way of measuring success, for sure, but they don’t reflect success by themselves…
4. It feels great saying NO to something you know, deep inside, it isn’t meant for you, despite what people/society says, or even despite how much work you’ve put into it. Perhaps that work has been just a clarity exercise, and now that you know better, you are more equipped to be truthful to you.
5. It is not personal! Rejection is not about you, it’s about a situation, person, group, project that doesn’t resonate with you, and as such, you should take it.
6. It is an opportunity to learn and become a better version of yourself.
7. Listen to your gut! After so much thinking, so much desiring, so much working to get that something, really integrate all the learning process you’ve gained in the pursuit of those things you love and listen to your instincts. They are usually clearer than you mind because they actually speak about what you want beyond your fears or social expectations.
8. Move on! The next opportunity is already knocking on the door. Don’t get stuck on the fear that rejection triggered or the pain it caused. After all, remember it saved you from what was probably a big mistake.
We will always be faced with challenges, and some of them can lead to Rejection, a huge break heart and the feeling that we haven’t succeeded.
Welcome rejection as you will welcome your best friend. Let it show you where things weren’t aligned with what you really want, or how you have outgrown yourself to become a better, smarter, more aligned version of yourself.
With much love,
